When Widowhood Strikes
by June T. Bassemir

Our guest essayist is June T. Bassemir, of Long Island, New York. We are fortunate to have in our group of friends and writers, ladies who have experienced life and are willing to share the difficult times. As our English friend wrote of her widowhood, June tells us about her experiences.

Something must be said about becoming a Senior Citizen - especially if one is a widow; perhaps, for a man it isn't so hard but for a woman, it seems she has three strikes against her: her gender, being the sole decision maker, and her age. 
 
Once widowhood strikes, she has to be the captain of the ship.  Moving through the water, keeping things afloat can sometimes be discouraging.  It doesn't matter too much if the decision centers on a car repair; a bathroom remodel or some other household maintenance job; quite often it seems we are fair game to be taken advantage of.
 
Take the case of Mrs. "X" who unbeknownst to the local quick oil change man, had in her earlier years restored a 1931 Model A Ford.  She knew the need for changing oil at regular intervals and how the internal combustion of an engine worked.  The price for this simple maintenance of having the oil changed; was an advertised bargain and so the work was agreed upon.  Mrs. "X" retired to the waiting room and was engrossed in a magazine when the mechanic appeared at her side.  He explained that in changing the oil, they found metal filings and he recommended they do some expensive work on the engine immediately.- costing much more than thee times what she expected.  She jumped up and said.  "Oh, really?.. metal filings?  Can you show them to me?"   Whereupon he disappeared only to reenter within minutes and said. "Oh, I'm sorry the other man emptied the oil container into the drum."  Upon reflection, Mrs. "X" decided to go ahead with just the oil change and no such trouble with that car ever appeared.   That young man thought she could be hoodwinked into paying for an unnecessary job.  No so, with Mrs. "X".
 
Not only manual laborers try to take advantage of us.  How about the Financial Advisor of a large corporation who billed an elderly client $100.00 which appeared on her statement without any notation.  When she questioned it, she really didn't understand his explanation but was too intimidated to question him further.  But her daughter called and found out it was a charge for a credit card that she didn't have....but he told the daughter "she COULD have one if she wanted too."  How fair is that????
 
Why do younger people and I am speaking mostly of men, seem to think that just because we have been around the sun a few more times then they have, that we have lost our sense of reason and revelation?  Whatever the situation, most of us do have the ability to sense when the wool is coming down over our eyes.  Don't try and befuddle us with improbably explanations of why the car won't start, or why the newly planted bushes planted last year by your company didn't live; or how the electric wire anchored  on the roof suddenly started to fray and spark as you were power washing that section.
 
Please, give us just as much respect as you would a man of your own age.   
If a man hired you to do the landscaping of his house would you try and buffalo him into believing plants would grow over an old existing hidden asphalt driveway, just by digging a small hole through the topsoil and the asphalt for such a plant?   Of course not!   He would tell you..."Under no such circumstances, plant things there....get rid of all the asphalt first."  So, please don't expect us, as "old women" to be so dumb as to fall for that! The underground economy (not paying sales tax), is a tempting thing.  However, if you pay cash for some work without paying the tax, and the work is done poorly or you have some complaint with it, don't be surprised when you try to get some compensation.  It won't happen.  It will be like standing on a two legged stool.  Bite the bullet and pay the tax.

If on the other hand a worker or contractor has done more than is required of him, make sure that they know you appreciate it. That form of gratitude does not always have to be a monetary one.  Think of unique ways of showing some kindness.  Maybe you can give a handcrafted item or a useful valuable article you no longer need or even a piece of pie you just baked.  We all like to be appreciated.
 
And lastly ladies, the next time you get a quote for work to be done, stand up and have it thoroughly explained.  If there is something you don't understand, ask to have it explained again.  Resist being little lambs marching to the slaughter house.  Question what the salesman, contractor or worker tells you and say. "That's very interesting.  I'll speak to my son about that and let you know."....even if you don't have a son... and IF you don't have a son, you can borrow mine.

June T. Bassemir

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  Once again we have been allowed to journey through another person's life to see that "other people" have similar or perhaps even greater problems than ours, but isn't that one of the reasons we have learned to communicate with others? Mere words are hardly the solution to problems as we experience them, but as for me I have grown to appreciate quotes or axioms that we can hide in our hearts and pull them out when needed. The following quotes are offered as equipment or tools to use in the quest of life:

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger"
--- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
-- George Bernard Shaw

"We must learn to live above life's losses."
-- Anon

THANK YOU JUNE -- THE WORDWRIGHT