by June T. Bassemir, Guest Essayist - Copyrighted 2008

When I asked June for some bio information, she wrote: "My biggest accomplishment (besides having 4 children who have produced 9 grandchildren) was restoring a 1931 Model A Ford - and no.... I was not the original owner. " June lives on Long Island, New York and her family is among the first settlers, after the Indians, that is. I appreciate June's ability to work with words--yes, another Wordwright for sure. And, just for the record, Mrs. Wordwright thinks June is "right on" with this subject! - Bill Venrick, THE WORDWRIGHT
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    After many decades on this planet I have decided we all seem to be governed by the market place. I am not talking about the market place in Africa where peanuts, and manioc is sold on the ground, but the Market Place in the United States.  The big office room with the mahogany table and chairs, where the CEOs of mattress companies like Seally, Beauty Rest, Serta and Temperpedic get together with linen companies such as Cannon, Wamsutta, JCPenny Home and Burlington.
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    I'm not suggesting that these two different products are in bed with one another but it is entirely possible that Mr. Burlington's middle name is Serta and Mr. Seally's first name is Cannon. In this sacred room they discuss business and quite naturally the conversation goes like this: "How can we stimulate more sales?" One bright twenty two year old boy, [the son of one of the company heads] has a brilliant idea and he responds thusly: "Let's change the size of our mattresses making them thicker and then everyone will have to get new sheets to go with them?" Now this dear fellow has not been very attentive to his mother's folding of sheets and pillow cases. After all, they probably had a maid to do it, and so he puts forth his idea and they all agree - "It is a capital one." (Of course, aren't they capitalists?)

    So the Seally, Beauty Rest, Serta and Temperpedic blue-suited men decide together to do exactly that -- on the first day of the next year. The linen people follow suit thus causing women young and old, housewives and executives to head to "Linen and Things", or "Bed Bath and Beyond" to replace all their old sheets which of course, now do not fit the new mattresses.

    There are a few drawbacks to this scenario which affect you and me and the first is, .have you noticed that cotton sheets and/or cotton & polyester sheets do not wear out? I mean, when was the last time you climbed into bed and put your foot into a torn area? Never. Sheets just don't wear out. Have you ever asked, "What should I do with this perfectly good sheet now that it won't fit my new mattress?"  I had a solution one time and that was to make rags. Yes, indeed, cotton sheets make good rags especially for people who restore and repair old cars. However, unless you are a member of one of these clubs, your rag recipient will be hard to find.  And there you are, with a pile of nicely folded twin and double sheets ready for something...to go somewhere - but where? Another bad feature is that the linen people have decided it is easier for them to put elastic all around the whole bottom sheet edges, instead of just in the corners, which makes the folding of them for the linen closet, (if you are lucky enough to have a linen closet), just about impossible.

     Before this, I had educated myself in the art of folding the old style of fitted sheets and received much applause from friends and family alike for my expert folding ability. If they gave out degrees for such, I would have one but now I not only have lost my degree in Folding 101, I have failed utterly with these new "pillow top" sheets.  I have tried over and over to get a decent folded object that will fit on the shelves of the closet, but try as I may, I have yet to succeed.Â

    If money was no object, I would donate this new mattress to the Salvation Army along with two sets of new double sheets but Sleepy's is still waiting for the remainder of their money... so I am stuck! Besides, where am I going to go for a mattress of the old kind?

    Climbing into bed each night used to be an anticipated seductive pleasure but now it has become a dedicated effort.  One does not just flop into bed.  No no...a step stool should be considered and a box of Kleenex kept handy for eventual nose bleed from the high altitude.   And for heaven's sake - don't fall out of the bed in the middle of the night - it's a long way down.

    Due to "Junior's" suggestion at the CEO meeting when he came up with his brilliant idea for "stimulating sales", we are all in this quandary together and it was created by ...the market place.  I would like to be invited to join the next planning committee meeting to give these executives some advice on homemade practical design.  Sadly, they only seem to be interested in the black figure of the last column on that green ledger sheet and not Mrs. Little Known Homebody.    Â

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THANKS, JUNE, for another unique essay from the woman's point of view.
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