"Sour Grapes" - Attribution to Aesop's fables for the expression. Meaning: A scorning or belittling of something only because it can't be had or done. I might be broadening the definition somewhat but I hope you get the idea--sometimes we "make our own sour grapes" from situations or circumstances.

I am going to be bold and say "I don't think anyone ever escapes the feeling of 'sour grapes' if he-she is honest with themselves." Yeah I know as Christians (or godly individuals) we are never supposed to be resentful of someone or something that just didn't work out for us.

I know from personal experience that planning a life-career is something most of us would like to think we might have done it differently. Maybe not. I know very few men whose life career was simple to work out and they in turn tried different things until, often they "found something" by accident or nearly so, that they could sink their teeth into and they applied themselves and the rest is history--they made a real go at it!

Jimmy Buffett, the popular singer-songwriter, in a Reader's Digest article in 1998, said, "The stage is not a place for the faint of heart." Jimmy, I got news for you - neither is LIFE a place for the faint of heart. Another popular singer-songwriter wrote masterful wisdom when he said, "Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans." I must confess that I do not have any records of either of these great musical artists but I can't get one of the lines of Buffett's 1977 hit (Margarita ville) out of my mind because it is true of most mistakes in life, "It's my own damn fault..." (Excuse the four-letter explicitness but its a direct quote.) And John Lennon's thoughts on life is equally thought-provoking - we are busy making "other plans" when LIFE seems to interrupt us!

Once, when visiting a college campus, Buffett was asked how he started out. He replied, "In front of the bathroom mirror." Wouldn't it be nice if we could be smart enough to say or practice everything we wanted to do in front of the bathroom mirror. Candidly I must say only during the past few short years did I install a tall mirror on the door of our basement bathroom. If I had had the sense to put it there ten or fifteen years ago I would not have had to lose those extra pounds that I finally tossed aside during the past four months. A daily check-up in the mirror would have shown too many "sacks of sugar" have changed my physique.

Sour grapes might be distasteful because we're unhappy with our job. No job is worth messing up your mind so you are not happy - change the job and find something you enjoy doing. It will be worth it even to make a few less dollars and you won't have to buy any tranquilizers.

LIFE has its own "bathroom mirror" in the way others treat us. Now I've gotten back to the thought behind the heading of this essay. "Sour grapes" is one of those phrases or sayings that has come down through the centuries. I would like to expand the meaning a bit more to be inclusive of "hurt feelings". Every once in a while we find ourselves confronted with hurt feelings because of what people have done or said to us--or maybe something they didn't even say! The old joke comes to mind of two psychiatrists passing each other in the hall and the one saying, "Hello there," caused the other to think, "Wonder what he meant by that?" Does every word have to mean something when someone speaks to us? Can't we loosen up a bit and give someone else a break when they have gone "brain dead" for 45 seconds and said the dumbest thing that ever came from their mouths? Once I paused while passing through a set of doors and held it for a woman and she was nearly insulted at my gesture. Wow! Her feelings sure fit her coat sleeve rather well, I thought. Of course she was of the more then current group of "liberated" women and she could well do things for herself and did not need a man to hold any door for her.

I am glad I once treated an older lady with some uncharacteristic respect when I greeted her with, "That's a nice outfit you have on..." She beamed immediately and returned my compliment with a smile worth a $1,000 and two words, "Thank you!". She had not been wearing a smile when she approached me and I confess I don't really know why I plied what little psychology I know by greeting her that way but I am glad I did. There was a little ugly old lady in our town years ago whose little garden was a near marvel in itself since it was awkwardly placed on a steep bank of her property. I usually saw this lady as I drove by her house since she lived close to my father's house. On a sudden impulse, once while driving by, I stopped the car and walked over toward her as she worked in her garden. "That sure is a great garden you have there," I said as she looked up at me. Her heretofore not-too-pretty face, with a wart on her nose, changed immediately! That casual compliment didn't cost me a dime and I would not have been greeted more heartily had I offered her a bouquet of red roses. Her eyes lit up her now smiling face and we had a nice chat - neither of us knew the other before that moment but I am satisfied I helped her through the day, and I also felt good about myself.

Fred Bauer, another contributor to the Reader's Digest, wrote "THANKS for Everything" and those packrats who stashed their November 1994 RD, can find his story on Page 171. Mr. Bauer shared facets from his life to help his readers cherish moments otherwise forgotten in their lives. Some of us could look back in our years of school and remember a teacher that went "one step further" than required in their curriculum schedule to help a 3nd grader who had not "caught on" to some small thing like knowing how to put letters together to make words. I remember one teacher who kindly warned me, "Billy, if you ask me one more question, I will take you by the hand and walk you around the room with me." You know what happened - I walked around the room with MY teacher! I am sure she was one teacher who gave me goose bumps when she bent over my shoulder to help me learn to read. Miss Grove was her name and I am glad, as an adult, I told her more than once she was appreciated.

Fred Bauer was a freshman, more sports minded than schoolwork and falling behind in his Latin when Violet Bible, a neighbor who was a schoolteacher, found out about his problem. Mrs. Bible invited him to her house to show Fred "Latin's great fun," and for several weeks she tutored him until, as he said, "I could conjugate with the best of them--well, almost." Anyway, Fred Bauer passed Latin and as a young, inexperienced and immature boy he saw nothing extraordinary that a working wife and mother had nothing better to do after a hard day at school than tutor him in Latin. Years later when Fred was "back home" visiting, he realized what an uncommon sacrifice Mrs. Bible's help had been. When he told her "Thank you," he was rewarded with a surprised smile and a sparkle in her eyes. Every person who draws a breath yearns for kind words of appreciation.

People are not all alike, or haven't you noticed? Some are givers and some are takers -- and the way we are wired by our Creator, it takes all kinds to make up this world. So, the next time you feel like you've been offended, used or even "dumped on" get a fresh drink of the water of life and remind yourself that others are human too. How we are treated might just be the way we seem to others. When you are in a crowd of unfriendly people, be friendly, even if it makes you a little nervous.

Here are some quotes that might be of some assistance when you find yourself in a place where the are some "sour grapes":

"May we never let the things we can't have or
don't have or shouldn't have, spoil our enjoyment
of the things we do have and can have."
Country Magazine, Oct/Nov 2007

"Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are."
-- Malcolm Forbes

If any of the above thoughts have offended anyone, forgive me; if any of the above thoughts have helped anyone, Thank God!

THE WORDWRIGHT

Posted by Bill Venrick at 3:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Written by Robert J. Tinsky, Oblong, Illinois - Copyrighted 2008

    This past month my wife and I visited with two different friends who have moved from their homes into a retirement facility.  This has resulted in a rather drastic change in their lives.  They have had to give up their home, much of their furniture and be separated from friends that they have known for many years.  In one case the couple has also given up their automobile and the privilege of coming and going at will. 

     Both of these friends have dealt with this period of transition in their life style with mixed emotions.  They expressed regret mostly about being apart from so many dear friends. In spite of the changes they have had to make they all realized that the change was for the best and have come to accept their new living facilities with grace and dignity.

     Let's face it, as we grow older we can all expect some changes in our life style.  Some of these changes come on rather unexpectedly as the result of an accident or a serious illness.  The fact that our income may decrease at the same time that the cost of living continues to go up and up causes us to make some serious changes.  The loss of a mate leads to some of the most dreaded and necessary changes in our manner of living.

     When we are faced with any of these changes we have two choices--we will either resent the changes and become bitter and crotchety old persons or we will accept what we can not change and resolve to be happy in our circumstances.  I don't relish the thought of being limited by some infirmity of the flesh.  I don't look forward to the time when I have to relinquish my driving privileges.  I, like most people I know, would prefer to remain in my own home until it comes time for me to "check out" and make my way to the home Jesus has prepared for me.
 
     Acceptance is the attitude that makes all the difference in how we deal with the changes that are going to come as we grow old.  Someone has said: "Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude toward us."  I have an article in my file about a man who is always in a good mood and who always has something positive to say.  When he was asked how he could be such a positive person all of the time he gave this answer: "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today.  You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.  I choose to be in a good mood."
   
     Henry Albright, a painter and lithographer who lived from 1876 to 1944, once wrote this about our attitude toward life: "A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."  I am sure that was what we call a "tongue-in-the cheek" statement.  I am not interested in annoying people by having a positive attitude but he is right.  Some people are so determined to not enjoy or appreciate or accept their circumstances in life that they resent those who face the changes that old age brings with grace and dignity.
    
     There is a sign over the Phoenix Suns' locker room that says this: "The game is scheduled, we have to play it--we might as well win." We are all in the game of life.  We have to play it until the game is over.  We might as well win. 

THANKS, BOB - I hope these comments will aid others in our age bracket.

THE WORDWRIGHT

Posted by Bill Venrick at 4:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

As a young preacher and teacher I often used a two-word key phrase "Everlasting Principles" to say something in as few words as possible. Then, and now, I still believe that within those two words is woven the key principle for life. To the pioneers that probed through the trees here in Ohio and sought a place to raise their families a principle was as clear as the ringing of bell towers scattered across our land. Not a gong, or a thud but a clear sound to guide the wanderer lost in the forest. Somehow those pioneers figured out if they cut a log a certain way, chiseling unique joints on each end and in other sections of the log house framework (for windows and doors) they could expect them to stay put for centuries, no less than many decades for sure. Once my father-in-law thought he would make quick work of an old chicken-coop that was apparently in his way. After hooking a logchain at specific places he got on his tractor and engaged the power believing one good jerk would pull the building apart. What happened was that old chicken coop flipped up on its end like a contrary child refusing to mind its parent; it was built to stay together.

Everlasting principles are thoughts that our Creator wired into our minds to keep us from going hungry or getting cold. Being hungry is one thing but obeying thoughts in the mind to grub for food and store for the winter is what it took. The ability to hunt certainly is an acquired skill but thought processes are a necessity that cannot be ignored. "Tricks of the trade" abound in every endeavor man has entered. That extra "kick" or jerk in cranking a Model T, and having the good sense to let go at the right moment, was necessary to keep from getting a broken arm. A broom maker has to hold a broom just right and insert a double-pointed needle just right to put it through the broom and not the hand. Of course, such an accident would serve as sufficient mental input to be careful how that needle should be used, like the data one picks up at a blacksmith shop when picking up a still-hot horse shoe -- "it doesn't take me long to look at a horseshoe..." (said the naive onlooker as he threw it on the ground).

In the Bible we find much wisdom but the Book of Proverbs (and also the Book of Ecclesiastes) provide mines of data and workable information that could be life-saving if only obeyed. The saddest story is realized when the person espousing some of that wisdom became perhaps the biggest fool of all. Solomon had the unique privilege of asking from God "whatever he wanted" and this wise man, even as a young man, asked for WISDOM. Not power, might or wealth. And he received from God what he asked for, and more! Yet, as he became engrossed in his life of power and wealth, his choices were not always wise. He married outside the Jewish family - more specifically into a nation whose god was not Jehovah and being human he thus began to allow pagan dogmas to influence him and in a matter of time all his wisdom proved that even the most wise man can become as a fool. But profoundly, the name SOLOMON still rings out clear as a bell, the message: "...whoever listens to me (WISDOM) will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm..." (Proverbs 1:33) You will have to read the entire first chapter to glean the complete concept of "wisdom" as personified by King Solomon. It seems even this wise man did not know what he did not know - he was only human. And he was capable of making mistakes and even sin against the God who gave him the gift of wisdom. That principle needs repeated: "If you don't know what you don't know, you are in big trouble."

HAPPINESS to a young married couple can be a fleeting thing if either party forgets everlasting principles that have shone like beacons at the top of light houses. The fog of life, as in the fog of the sea, can serve to blinding us from seeing danger whether it be the rocks and shoals or an improper desire or decision. That kind of wisdom too can be found in the book of Proverbs; specifically, read the first six verses of chapter five but kindred wisdom is on every page of the book. Another word from the book of Proverbs 6:20-26 for those concerned about principles with everlasting values.

IN DEBT TO FOREIGN NATIONS --- a strange, to some, principle lies within the pages of the Scripture too, where no nation should allow itself to be strapped or indebted to another nation at the cost of its continued existence. Specifically God commanded his children, the Hebrews, never to allow this to happen. By the way, that is where Solomon began to have problems, when one of his wives was the princess of Egypt. How do you say "no" to a beautiful, rich, powerful woman? Well, as I read somewhere, "No" is a complete sentence (believe it or not). But, Solomon, and a host of other wise males are quick to learn how to avoid a hot tongue and a cold shoulder. Again, however, who we allow to guide our lives is a part of those everlasting principles I write.

THE WORDWRIGHT encourages you to make the book of Proverbs a daily devotional - there are 31 chapters too, one for each day (of the long months that is).

Posted by Bill Venrick at 10:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)